MY HEART IS THE CANVAS

tattoo these words onto my soul
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  • I read no books in the month
    of September. See, reading was always
    a way to escape but sometimes
    it isn’t enough of a getaway and the
    only way to escape becomes to do the one
    thing you shouldn’t do to escape.

    I started college in the month
    of September, after not going to school
    for one and a half years because
    ‘I can’t do it’ wasn’t an excuse, but a
    physical weight pulling me
    to the bed, never letting me
    escape.

    Half way into October, I’ve read a book
    and haven’t seen my friends in
    a while, and spend four days a week
    with the curtains drawn and
    the TV on, or my face hidden under the duvet,
    three days a week pretending it’s
    okay, or maybe not bothering to pretend
    at all.

    (r.e.s) i can’t think of anymore to say

    Posted 2 days ago With 200 notes

    “My problem is that I
    love so deeply.
    I start to believe that every
    relationship will be
    my last, even
    if it’s only my first.
    But on the contrary,
    I cut people out of my life
    without telling them
    I’ve done so.
    I love everyone but
    can only stand a select few.
    That’s my problem.
    My problem is that I’m
    so busy wasting all my love
    on you — where is
    the rest of it?
    I gave you the best of it.
    Maybe I shouldn’t
    have done
    that.”

    the best of it // r.e.s

    Posted 1 week ago With 204 notes

    “When the flames rise up within you,
    don’t try to blow them out,
    don’t you dare let them die.
    There are people who throw water
    at you or cup their hands
    around your light, and tell you
    to shine less. But your light should
    be loud and so should your
    voice — you weren’t made for
    the corners of dark rooms
    to hold you, or for blankets to be
    your shield, or for bathrooms to become
    your safety zone. You were
    made for greater things than that.
    I hope you light up the corners of dark
    rooms. I hope you use your light
    to shield off those who can’t handle
    your brightness, and to help
    those who are caught up in darkness
    and I hope your heart is
    a home for anyone who needs it,
    I hope you know you don’t have to be alone
    if you don’t want to.
    You are allowed to shine
    bright. No one should’ve ever
    told you otherwise.”

    The Flames // r.e.s

    Posted 2 weeks ago With 23 notes

    “Most nights, it’s just
    remembering things that haven’t
    even happened yet. Breathe-
    stop imagining the floorboards creaking
    under the weight of
    all the pain you carry, because
    they aren’t. You’re not as much of
    a burden to this earth as
    you seem to think you are.
    Your package isn’t so heavy if
    you look closely, pick it apart, throw away
    old worries. Rest it on the ground
    between your feet. Stop being
    so caught up in a yesterday so far
    away that it doesn’t even exist anymore.
    Stop creating a future that
    doesn’t exist either.
    You have time to heal,
    don’t rush it. Turn most nights
    into rare nights. You’re okay.”

    to myself and anyone who needs it // you’re okay
    r.e.s

    Posted 4 weeks ago With 46 notes

    sorry I’m not really uploading poems or anything right now- I started college a couple weeks ago and it’s been difficult getting used to it. hopefully, things’ll be up and running again soon / I hope all of you are doing well

    Posted 4 weeks ago With 2 notes

    Eat.

    Please.

    I know, trust me, I know
    that it hurts sometimes, and that
    the world becomes just an
    extra thing to carry upon your back,
    but your stomach is hungry and
    needs to be fed.

    Please eat.

    I know that this is just another
    way to compensate for the pain and
    I know that people laugh
    when you tell them you’re hungry.
    They don’t understand, I know.
    But the only way to
    stop that hunger is to feed
    yourself, please.

    Eat.

    I know I’m starting to beg
    but it pains me to see such a beautiful
    soul so lost amidst thoughts
    like these, and I have every faith
    in you. Screw anyone
    who tells you your plate is too full —
    fill it higher. This isn’t easy,
    I know, but it’s better to have a mountain
    of food before you than a mountain
    of worries.

    Please.

    Don’t do it for me, do it for yourself,
    do it because you deserve it, regardless
    of whether you’ve spent the day
    climbing hills or sitting on armchairs,
    you deserve this and so much more and
    I wish that life didn’t have to be
    so cruel, but the only way
    to make it just a little less difficult is
    to treat yourself kindly.

    Treat yourself like you are a ray
    of sunshine, because you are.

    You are.

    EAT // r.e.s

    Posted 1 month ago With 49 notes

    “Some days I wake up and I know
    that everything will be okay,
    and I feel pretty without the paint on my face
    or the rings on my fingers, and
    I take a lot of selfies and smile in most of
    them and pull stupid faces in the others
    and I don’t delete a single one.
    I get up and leave the house and explore
    places I’ve been to before, but
    I look a little harder for the beauty in them.
    Or, I stay in bed till 3pm and grab my laptop
    and watch videos into the night again.
    Or, I do yoga and bake cookies
    and pay attention to every breath I take.
    Some days are not like this.
    Some days are more difficult, but
    that’s okay.
    Some days are good,
    and that’s a start.”

    Some Days // r.e.s

    Posted 1 month ago With 52 notes

    I just want to say, your poetry is amazing. c: <333

    @Anonymous

    thank you, this is so lovely

    Posted 1 month ago With 1 note

    I used to keep my mouth shut
    for the fear that you would spill into
    every syllable I spoke
    as if your name was a poison
    that I didn’t want to spread into the world.

    It’s funny how things change,
    I’ve been laughing since Monday
    and never once was I afraid
    that my smile looked too much like yours
    to be my own.

    I’ve been holding your hand since
    the very first day but
    it was always pulling me back
    and now I’m
    letting you go.

    Letting You Go //  r.e.s

    Posted 1 month ago With 34 notes

    i think you're talented. i think your writing is some of the best i've read, and i read poetry every single day. thank you for existing, have a good night

    @xxvuo

    this is so nice i want to cry

    Posted 1 month ago With 1 note

    And I’m sure people wait
    days, years, maybe decades
    just to tell the one they loved
    that they wish they’d fucking stayed
    and I’m not willing to risk a friendship
    but I don’t want to look back and think
    those dreaded words I never want
    to have to say again.

    So, let’s pretend I won’t be sorry
    and we’ll let this play out
    but when I’m trying not to worry
    my fingers trace my mouth
    because I wanna know what it’d be like
    kissing you, and right now I’m
    stuck here fucking missing you
    instead of saying I’d like to take you out.

    Take You Out (excerpt from a song I wrote about a girl I met) // r.e.s

    Posted 1 month ago With 15 notes

    “I get sad when I realise I’m hardly
    a part of your life anymore.
    You’re a text away but I can’t seem to type out
    the message. And I’m not trying to be
    soppy, but I miss you
    so much some days. This is stupid.
    You never even left, but it’s like we can’t be
    bothered to put in the effort anymore.
    You never even left, but I haven’t heard you say
    ‘hello’ in so long.
    You never even left, yet I still
    want you to come back. Please.”

    I miss you // r.e.s

    Posted 1 month ago With 287 notes

    Do you really feel everything you write about? Like how hard it is to be in love with someone who gave up on you and you still love them anyway... Do you feel that?

    @Anonymous

    I do feel everything I write about. And I have felt that. But I’m not in love with anyone right now.

    Posted 1 month ago With 4 notes

    Sometimes
    I miss every person I have known
    and lost, and I have to remember that
    tomorrow, or a week or month
    or year from now, I will
    meet new people who will make
    me forget that there was
    ever anyone worth missing.

    Until then,
    I have to remember that
    running back to the people I have lost
    has never helped anything.

    I may miss you but
    I do not need you in my life
    anymore.

    by r.e.s

    Posted 1 month ago With 1,689 notes

    I used to be sorry for the way
    that I fiddled with my hair
    or the hem on my dress or the rings
    on my finger, and

    I used to be sorry for
    parts of myself that I could never
    ever change, like my eyes
    that gave too much away, or my smile
    that seemed to always be lacking
    or my legs or my arms or
    my hands, and

    I used to be sorry for
    saying what was on my mind
    even when it never hurt a soul, and

    I shouldn’t have been.

    I’m not sorry for stumbling sometimes
    or wearing makeup when I’m alone
    or singing loudly at home
    or saying what I want to say when I want to say it.

    I’m not sorry for who I used to be
    and who I am, and who I may be in the future-

    I’m sorry that I keep people waiting
    sometimes, or that I shut people off and hide
    inside, but I’m not sorry for being me,
    and I hope I never will be,
    and I know now that I never should’ve been.

    Sorry // r.e.s

    Posted 1 month ago With 66 notes